haven’t been able to stop myself from crying all day…
i hate that i let myself get upset over something so stupid.
i’m never like this so idk why i let it bother me… just need to get over it…
February 22, 2014
Normally Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean anything to me. And I guess it still really doesn’t. I think the last two years I just wanted to use it as an excuse to spend it with the person I care about. But for the last two years I’ve spent it by myself knowing that that person is spending it with someone else. And I try to tell myself it’s okay, it’s not even a real holiday but just would be nice to celebrate it once. I’ve never had a Valentine. I’ve never even been given a gift on Valentine’s Day. No roses, no chocolates, no card, no teddy bears, etc. (except for those little cards in elementary school that we had to give to the whole class). Just would be nice to have a special day just once.
With that being said, I’ve already been feeling pretty down about that for the last week or so. But to add on to it, I found out today that my dad has been in the hospital since Monday. He told my brother and asked him not to tell anyone but obviously he couldn’t do that. So he told my mom. Today my mom told me that she had a meeting at work and then had to walk across to the hospital for something. So I dropped her off and waited at Starbucks for a couple of hours. When I went to pick her up she told me that she had been with my dad for the last hour and that they were taking him into surgery as she was leaving. Apparently he has a clot in one of his arteries. I know he’ll be okay, but it’s just the thought of him being there.
So now, with the way I’m feeling, today would have been the one time I really needed to be with that person.